The ugly past

I make a living off my creativity….  I have good days and bad days. There are days when I think WOW… I friggin rock and others where I feel like I fall short.

Most of the time when I feel like I fall short it’s because I’ve been binge stalking some light and airy photographer’s Instagram feed. She’s got like 4 billion followers and every picture is amazing, styled and magazine worthy.

Why do we do this … as people? As WOMEN. COMPARE?

We need to keep 3 important things in mind.

  1. Social media is a Highlight reel… Most people only show the best of the best
  2. You need only to compare yourself to the person YOU were yesterday.
  3. Everyone starts somewhere

Sooo. Before I started punishing myself today I took out my old Toshiba Laptop (sparkle purple cover and all) and started looking through my old pictures…. It made me happy because, well, for starters pictures of my kids, friends and hunny always make me smile. But, also I saw some of my really old work and I know I have a come a really long way.

I didn’t go to school for photography (infact I thought I wanted to become a lawyer) after a few painful years in a law office and many little side ventures trying to sell my creativity to anyone who would buy it …. (face paint, decorating cakes, selling art, make-up, etc.) I started taking pictures of my kids and wondering “Would someone pay me         ( like just a little) to do this?

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This was the first little set I ever put together…. this is 2008/09 and my youngest was a baby and I had it in my mind to do a baby cupid photo shoot. Hmmm. Well this is all I have to show you because she was angry and wouldn’t sit at all.

This is attempt #2 . She was a bit older and it was summer. We planned to have a cowgirl them birthday party. these would become the invitations. Please note the wrinkled backdrop, bad crop, poor lighting and red eye. baby syd & katies wedding 511 (2)

All I knew for sure was my kids were cute, I loved them and didn’t want to miss a thing. Plus I was broke so there was no fancy photography happening for us. So I had to get creative. I remember the one time we got a coupon in the mail for Olin Mills in like a K-mart. $100 you get like 4 pictures. Cheesy poses. Generic everything. Blah.

I wanted to get better and so I kept trying. Adjusting lighting, trying natural light, spending more time on the post processing (editing), invested in a better camera, made adorable props….

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Still had some flops… kept practicing. Kept trying new things. Watched videos, took a few online classes. Practiced some more. Became inspired.

Hop to 2018…. and this is what I’m doing now.

winter beauty 10winter beauty 12

The memories are there …like it was yesterday. I now pay attention to composition, light, my subject, wardrobe, lighting, and I’ve learned to use a camera and photoshop. I can’t believe I have come so far.

So let this be a reminder to be gentle on yourself. Don’t be a so critical and negative of your work.

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fall down and get back up again.”-Nelson Mandala

It’s true. It’s only a failure if you stop trying. So tomorrow is another day. I’m going to shake that little troll (not the friendly kind that sing Timberlake songs) but the nagging, degrading one who whispers and torments me, telling me I’m not good enough or not as good as the rest.

I’m better than I was yesterday.

XO Marissa

 

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